October 17, 2001
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STILL SORRY
An addendum to the "I'm Sorry" thought: I don't think children should be forced to say "I'm sorry" when they do something wrong. This is forcing them to say they possess a feeling that they may or may not have. We wouldn't make them say "I'm happy" or "I'm sad," so why make them say "I'm sorry"?
Now, getting them to say "I shouldn't have done that. I was wrong" might be worth something...
Any thoughts?
Comments (17)
Let's see.. I'm sorry is not always the appropiate words. I agree with you. That is almost like putting words into someone's mouth.
I don't make mine say I'm sorry, I do make them say they are wrong if they are. And I'm sorry usually comes after they've had time to think abuot what the did and have ralized how wrong it was.
I think you are on to something there...
Oh, this brought something to my mind, Sadzi. Back in '77 my son had a confrontation with a brat kid that was calling him a queer. You just don't call John that. I saw the kid flying out of the livingroom into the diningroom. And John was following ready to put the punch to him again. Well, I interveened. I told John to say I'm sorry. He said,"NO." I asked him why. He said, "Because, I'd be lieing. I'm not sorry I hit him." I learned a lesson right there and then.
I taught preschool for many years and never made a child say "Im Sorry". We always chose alternative words that were appropriate for their feelings.
Hmmm. I have to think about this one. I think "I'm sorry" can also be a powerful tool. (Yes, it CAN be overused, but I don't think we overuse it in our household.)
Personally, when my daughter does something that appears "wrong", I'll first ask "Why did you do that?" and then she'll EXPLAIN. If she was, indeed, WRONG, then she'll usually say "I'm sorry." I don't think there is anything wrong with that?
And... "I shouldn't have done that... I was wrong" is a huge mouthful for a kid. "Sorry..." seems a lot easier to SPEAK.
My husband has a thing about "Don't forget..." He would rather people say "Remember to..." It just sounds NICER. So, I guess everyone has their preferences. Me, I like "I'm sorry".
Perhaps "I wont do that again", with feeling.
mmmmmm... good point.
"Love means you have to say you're sorry about once every five minutes."---John Lennon...
I think you're right. My sister always said sweetly, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." That way she wasn't lying but for just a minute and mama always thought she was so good.
Being sorry that you make your kid say he's sorry is the same thing.
Anyway, glad to see you coming to these realizations, Sadzi.
I've had these realizations since before my son was born.
sorry and sincere or just sorry?
I don't know if "I'm sorry" and "I shouldn't have done that" haven't come to mean the same thing over the years, though. But I agree.
I regret the collateral damage...By George, I think I've got it...
...k...
Hmmm. I'm sorry you brought this up. Since he's a guy, learning to say "I'm sorry" when he doesn't really mean it is dandy preparation for what married life for possessors of a Y chromosome will be like.
He might as well get used to it.
If he doesn't he may be sorry
rickbro